We all have been there — crushing on someone we should not be crushing on. Sometimes for days, sometimes for months — either way, for too long. But with a little mind power and a bit of time, you’ll stop thinking about him or her and begin to wonder why you ever did.
Ending the Infatuation
Give yourself space. The old proverb, “Out of sight, out of mind,” is true. When you surround yourself with different people and things, this person will become an object of the past.
If you share the same friends and cannot avoid your crush, hang out in large groups. Cut down on the one-on-one time and stay nearer to other guy/girl friends.
If you share the same extra-curricular activities, don’t drop out — that just avoids the problem. Keep yourself with friends — or use this as a reason to make new ones!
Don’t go where they go! If you know parts of their schedule and where they’ll be, busy yourself somewhere else. You don’t want to be running into them — accidentally or on purpose.
Give yourself time. Emotions don’t go away overnight. Slowly but surely, though, they’ll fade.
Keep a journal. Getting your feelings out will help with closure. Bottling anything up is not healthy and leads to frustration and stress.
When you start thinking of them, stop. You have the power to do this. Divert your thoughts to anything else — what was that funny thing Allie said today? Who’s that cute new student in third period? Will global warming be the death of humankind? Often, there are much bigger issues at hand.
Stop checking up on them online. Being consistently reminded of them will only make things harder.
Unsuscribe to them on Facebook. This will still list you as a friend, but remove their stories from your news feed. Doing so avoids the classic and awkward, “Hey, why did you delete me?” conversation.
Unfollow them on Twitter. If they ask, there are loads of excuses you can make: “I’m wasting too much time on the Internet,” or, “I did? Weird — my friend said the same thing.”
If you aren’t good friends, delete his or her phone number. This removes any temptation to call or text.
Get rid of reminders. It’s harder to forget someone if you’re surrounded by items that spark unwelcome thoughts.
Did you write their name on a notebook? Do you have an old note from them? Did you use to drink Orange Crush together? Get rid of things that make you think of them. Put yourself in positions where fantasizing about them is avoidable.
Or, if you can’t permanently get rid of something (like a piece of furniture or a school textbook), try to find ways to keep it out of your sight as much as possible. Wrap a book in a new cover, or toss a throw over the couch you used to sit on together.
Think of their faults. Everybody has them. Odds are, you’ve been unable to see them because you’ve been idolizing that person.
Why do you want to stop liking them?
Why do others not like him or her?
What don’t you have in common (that you do have in common with someone else)?
Ending the Toxic Friendship
Forgive. Sometimes, people just aren’t good for us. If this person leaves you feeling sad or not good enough, odds are you’re in a toxic friendship. Don’t hold grudges against the person. They may be too wrapped up in their world to notice their effect on you.
Make peace with your feelings. Whatever they are, they’re legitimate — you wouldn’t be feeling them if they weren’t! Forgive yourself, too.
Forget. A toxic friendship isn’t worth having. Though you may hope, change is unlikely to come. A better way to spend your time is around people who let you thrive and make you feel comfortable.
Stop putting effort into the relationship. Be kind when near, but don’t seek out opportunities to be noticed or appreciated by this person. Put effort into relationships where the other person is willing to meet you halfway.
Concentrate on other friends. You have a support system all around you of friends and family who care about you. You are not dependent on this person.
Take care of yourself first. You are the most important person in your life. Above all, you need to be happy. And this person isn’t cutting it. If they confront you on your avoidance, be clear. Tell them, “I need to spend more time with other friends; I feel like I’m doing all the work in our friendship.” If they want to salvage the relationship, they will try. If they don’t, good riddance! You can walk away knowing you did the right thing for you.
Developing New Habits
Make new friends. (Or rediscover old ones!) Reinvigorating your social life will give you an absorbing distraction, and you’ll spend valuable time building up your support system. Here’s how to expand your circle: Join a new club or team. If you play a sport or have a favorite hobby, hunt down ways to practice with other people.
Volunteer your time. Check out your local hospital, nursing home, or pet shelter.
Get a part-time job. Ask around to see if anyone you know is hiring part-time help, or browse through local job postings.
Busy yourself. You’ll barely have time to think about him/her. Pick up a new hobby (i.e. painting, an instrument, a sport, cooking)
Organize events for you and your friends (as simple as going to the movies.)
Get more involved with your family.
Get more involved online.
Better yourself. Take time to focus on becoming the person you aspire to be. After a while, you’ll be too good for — who again?
Work out. Go for a run, take up yoga, or start practicing a sport. The endorphin rush that comes from exercising will lift your mood, and you’ll look better than ever!
Take a class. Have you always wanted to learn pottery, or find out more about martial arts? Now is the time!
Read up on your interests. Pick up that new novel you’ve been meaning to read, or spend more time catching up on the news.
Change your tastes. You both like the same music? Well, not anymore. Experiment with new TV shows
Find new, up-and-coming bands (or break out your parents’ records!)
Catch on to a new fashion trend — or start your own!
Keep your eyes open. Like they say, there are a lot of fish in the sea. Remember to keep having fun. Hang out. If you put yourself in new situations, you’ll find new (and better) potential interests.
Don’t feel ashamed. Everyone — everyone — is in this position at one time or another.
Don’t vilify them.